VF-33 Hard Sayings Log
1979-1981
These "Hard Sayings" were recorded during the reigns of John "Frog" Allen and Fred "Bear Vogt". They were stated in various locations such as the Ready Room, the "Admin", the Wardroom, in the air or just about anywhere. For most of you, the list is of "had to be there" one liners, but every generation of Tarsiers have your own philosophical statememts worthy of recording for posterity's sake.
We of the "Last Phantom" version of the Fightin' 33rd had a great time saying and recording these, so we hope you enjoy reading them.
Note: I did edit these to avoid activation of every parental Internet censoring devise.
| Pinky: That must have been about a 2.0 Ernie: Nope, 1 minute short |
| Pinky: Just because the top of’ your head is shaped like a hubcap doesn’t mean you’re going to be a big wheel someday |
| Pinky: Pulling Minky’s chain is not hard. What’s hard is getting ahold of it. |
| Pinky: That’s about as hard as pickint fly shit out o’ pepper: |
| Ernie: RIOs are a dime a dozen. Unfortunately, we only have a nickel. |
| Snake: How’s the weather? Tank: It’s a clear dark. |
| Frog: It’s better to he talked to than talked about. |
| Frog: That makes as much sense as take’n a cross-country to the ship. |
| Fireball: It’s better to be standing in front of the green table than lying upon it. |
| Frog: The freezing level is 2500’. Bear: Oh, it never comes that low does it? |
| Frog: Next year Fred. |
| Frog: Definition of a BD5J; a peice of lawn furniture with a jet engine attached. |
| Ski: Short count to follow; 12345 53421. |
| Snake: Was I settling into the one wire? Pinky: Were you getting one wires? You can’t climb into a one wire. |
| Vinnie: Women can’t get pregnant on spit. |
| Bear: The moon is not the sun. |
| Frog: The XO is now a perfect asshole. |
| Frog: Going to Sigonella instead of Palma is like stepping over a dime to pick up a nickel. |
| Snake to Porky on buying running shoes: if you’re just going to buy colors give me my magazine back. |
| Tokyo: Calculus is pretty easy to fathom once you fathom it. |
| Pinky, where do you catch most of your fish? Pinky: In the mouth. |
| Frog: When you eject over water this cold you might as well unstrap and do everything you’ve always wanted to do off a three-meter board. |
| Bear: Night-time is a piece of cake. |
| Frog: That water gets hard at about 120 knots. |
| Lonzo: Pinky, we can’t get him in the air with a crane. |
| Bear: If you lose BLC on one wing...the other wing’s still fly’n the same speed? |
| Frog: If you find any green pens or glasses, they belong to the XO. |
| Bear: The speed of combustion is only so fast. ..the Phantom can go faster than that: |
| Jake: Where’s Herschel? Minkey: On the beach. Jake: Why’d he go to the beach? Frog: Bubbles in his wet compass. |
| Ref: SEX. Dixie: Sometimes you have to get married just to get it. |
| Pinky: If we can’t remember the NATOPS limitations, can we just draw a little picture of the gauge? |
| Minkey: You’re not going to get hurt until you hit the ground. |
| Ref: maid cleaning up after Admin. Butch: Rose doesn’t know whether to clean the room or burn it. |
| (As the waitress picked up about 12 beer cans) Fireball: Look at Mona picking up the breakfast dishes. |
| Pinky: When you get borne you start dying; some people just take long than others. |
| Frog (to the VAW-122 CO): I’d rather be a plane captain in a fighter squadron than skipper of’ an E-2 squadronn. |
| Jake: how do you get lost together when there’s someone with you? |
| Vinnie to Pinky: We ought to have you go through FFARP in the
back seat. Pinky to Vinnie: We ought to have you go through FFARP on the outboard station of a TER. |
| Bear: But nobody invited me to eat in WRII. |
| Porky: Oh yes I did, when you were sitting over in the corner
moping. Bear: I don’t mope. |
| Jake: I lowered the nose to pick up some airspeed and just
got over the trees. A road showed up between the cornfields and I put her down. Frog: Anything hurt? Jake: Only my heart. |
| Jake: I turned the bleed air off so I could go faster. |
| Bugs: I was a metalsmith for 10 years. Pinky: Yeah, you’ve been an officer for about that long and you don’t know shit about that either. |
| Bear: We’re going to fly off of the A-6. The only other NAV gear we have is a NAV computer that was invented when Plato was talking to Socrates. |
| Frog: The A-7 is a nice airplane to fly if you’re afraid of speed and height. |
| Frog: I know Spot’s known for doing dumb things. Just make sure that when he jumps off the bridge you don’t jump off holding hands with him. |
| Bugs: While the Frog’s away the Bugs will play. |
| Tank: It doesn’t matter where you’re from, it’s where you’re at. |
| Chuck: Why didn’t you go out last night? Bugs: ‘cuz I’m sick and tired of waking up sick and tired. |
| Bear: You don’t got a hangover if you drink good bourbon. |
| Frog: Yup, we’re 300 hours ahead of 102 for the year and
they are number two on the east coast in flight hours. Bear: Oh, I guess we’re number one then, huh? |
| Ex-Blue, Millson: I had a scrupple once and I ate it. |
| Bear: A 2 hour-cycle with no gas takes all the guesswork out of dumping and transferring. |
| Bear: We used to shut down one engine to slow down. Jake: Is that a good technique? Bear: Sure. Yogi: Yeah, it should cut your thrust in half. |
| During D.C. test: Weenie, what’s the OBA tending
signals? Weenie: What’s an OBA, a feminine hygiene product? |
| 522’s a dry tanker. Thorax: Fox 2 on the dry tanker. |
| Frog: You didn’t get a big enough chart. Bear: Well it stopped |
| Bear relieves Frog: 20 Dec 79 (This date I remember well because it was my son's first birthday) |
| EZ: It’s a great radar. In fact, I had trouble breaking lock |
| COC 20 Dec 79—Phyllis: If this is what it’s like sleeping with the skipper, I’m not impressed. |
| Pinky: You don’t know that you’ve been safely airborne until after you land. |
| Rob's sister: Come on, we’re taking the picture now. Rob’s brother: I can’t, I haven’t taken a shower all day. Rob’s sister: Don’t worry, the smell won’t show up in the picture. |
| Snake: This SOP ought to be standardized. |
| Bear: I fly this plane for my country, when it stops flying it’s not my fault it’s the country’s. |
| Hershel briefing wet-runway landings: Well if you have one engine shul down already, that’s one less to shut down when you go off the end. |
| Thorax: What’s the difference between Trenchmouth and a
bowl of oatmeal? Joe Don: When you get tired of it you can get rid of the oatmeal. |
| Trenchmouth giving Nay Computer lecture: Here’s the control knob, OFF turns it off... |
| EZ to Trenchmouth: Just think Mouth, one—hundred more traps and an Indy centurion patch will be yours. |
| Bear standing at the lectern listening to two F-4s take off:
Are that airplanes flying out there? Mork: Hell no skipper, that’s the duty truck screaming down the runway. |
| Lonzo after an ACM hop: My body told me it was over 7.0 Gs because my body hasn’t blacked out in a couple years. |
| Jon Boy on 2v1 against an F-5: I wasn’t sure there was an F-5 out there until we came into the break. |
| Bear about EW bombing Cards: Old, Hell, these things are as old as the Dead Sea Scrolls. |
| Bear: We’ll send Iran back to the food chain. |
| Mouth in flight gear in ready room waiting for x-country
aircraft: What a waste of talent. Got a static display somewhere? Skipper: Go stand by the F-4 at the front gate. |
| Bear after giving daughter away: Piece of cake. |
| Thorax: You know, Mouth is the only person I know who can carry on an intelligent conversation with McCarty. |
| Bear: Every night it gets dark. |
| Bear during briefs The F-4 is powered by nothing but two J-79s. The wings are there just to make it look like an airplane. |
| Snake: Is this racquetball instruction going to be
constructive or you going to kick my ass. Bear: I’m no good. I’m just looking for someone to beat. |
| Doc to Pinkey on the CAT in a thunderstorm: God Pinkey, how
do you do this for a living. Pinkey to Doc: I don’t see how you can look up asshole for a living. |
| Enroute to town (Fallon) as XO is driving: Who the hell is
driving, Tranchant? Anon: No, it’s his right-hand man. |
| CAG filling out comment sheet after lvl with F-5: Bear, you’ll have to fill this part out, I never saw him. |
| Skipper to Weenie: Come on, let’s go play Racquetball. Winner gets Lesley. |
| LuLu watching Thorax shine his shoes: Damn Thorax, you could do a better job using a Hershey bar and a brick. |
| Minkey before fighter Olympics: Hey, it doesn’t matter what color you paint a phantom, it still turns like a phantom. |
| Sparky Lyle: You have to put the training command on your
preference card. Lonzo: That way you always can get what you want. |
| Bear during XO’s briefs If I need the barricade, get a good LSO or there’ll be two RIOs in the airplane. |
| Ready room during GQ, 110 degree heat and a lousy movie with everyone sitting in T-shirts. CO: I waited 16 and a half years for a command and look at this. |
| The Last Remake of Beau Geste: Medals are like Hemorrhoids, sooner or later every asshole gets one. |
| JonBoy to Hun: Hell, fly in that weather? I wouldn’t drive my car out there. |
| Wes to Hun: Don’t worry, you’ll be able to see ship by the flashes of lightning. |
| Spanky (In St. Thomas): Hey, look at the seaplanes, they’re doing splash and goes. |
| CO in RR before St. Thomas: Look you guys, I really don’t want to wrestle. I’m getting old, know what I mean? |
| In the admin St. Thomas: CO: Come on Sidney you woman, I can pin you in 10 seconds, you Academy puke woman. |
| CO: The skipper takes higher priority than an Air Force puke. Whip: The Air Force will be awfully pissed if I mort. Co: No they won’t, they sent you here didn’t they. |
| EZ: Is that a newspaper? R-Ski: No, it’s the card of the day. |
| Doc: you know, I knew it was a good approach to a landing as soon as I felt the hook grab the wire. |
| CO at quarters while XO’s on leave: You guys know the XO, looks like me only acts different. |
| EZ (aka Pooh’s RIO): Hey Pooh, I need a standby for the
duty while I have a will drawn up. Pooh (aka EZ’s pilot): It’s appropriate that I standby for you since I’ll be the one who kills you. |
| CO looking at Flats: I’d rather have those Red and White Training Command airplanes aboard than the S-3s. |
| Tank: Don’t you know all verbs have 2 l’s in them. Skipper: That’s the first and last time I’ll listen to a Boat School grad. |
| During brief...Skipper: Catapult...Best way to get off the ship. |
| Bear-discussing rooms: You can’t turn around in my room without meeting yourself. |
| While watching porn flick—Mouth: Here Skipper, you
better hold the remote control in case GAG comes in. C.O.: What are we going to do Ray, watch a dead TV? |
| JB to Quack Risser during debrief after his first hop in the
Squadron: Got anything to throw out? Quack: I think I threw out everything I’ve got. |
| Slick talking about Bingo: We’ve got to throw stones at Pooh to get him airborne, and after he does, he bingos. |
| Santa: Hey LuLu, should I log a 2v1 on that last engagement? LuLu: Naw, Santa log a 1v2, Herschel was on the bogie’s side. |
| Skipper after checking spelling of marshall in dictionary and disagreeing with spelling: Let’s get another dictionary. |
| Hun and Hennie in the air with bad weather. Hennie: Boy, I
sure hope it clears up before we get to St. Thomas. Hun: Hell, I hope it clears up before we get to marshall. |
| Skipper at AOM talking about aviators on ship’s company tours: It seems that the farther those guys get from flying, the better they are at it. |
| C.O.: I hate VF-102 more than I hate the Commies. |
| Slick: It’s going to go bad for you Hennie. Hennie: So what, send me to the I.O. |
| C.O. on working: My daughter thinks that I don’t work...I just sit around all day signing things everyone else has smoothed out..she’ s damn close |
| X.O. to C.O. on NATOPS exams for FITREP purposes: Please ignore NATOPS test grades. I can save them in the air, but damned if I can remember the figures. |
| Skipper: I fly with an experienced RIO because I don’t like to work as hard anymore. |
| Skipper: Tom, you and Santa rare going to be rated low for
fitreps... make Slick good. Goofer: Slick look good: Santa and I were planning on Slick making us look good. |
| Sidney: I’ll be brief. |
| Skipper questioning why a/c 200 went to the hangar and not
203: Mork, how did 200 go to the hangar bay? Mork: Well ya see they pushed it onto the elevator, it went down, then they pushed it in. Skipper: No I mean why did it? Mork: Now that’s a different question. |
| Hoobs about Iran: You can’t scare someone who is not afraid of dying, but you sure as hell can kill ‘em. |
| Ras: If wine, women, and song are wearing you down...give up singing. |
| C.O.: Slick, today’s goal is up gripes; get those up
gripes. Slick: Skipper, we’re still behind on down gripes. |
| Herschel: Did you ever think what the airplane would do if
you ejected on final with an engine flameout? Tank: The airplane is going to do it whether you’re in it or not. |
| C.O. during brief about Indy’s approach radar being down and using 250 mile surveillance radar: Shooting an approach with that radar is like trying to shave with a two—bladed axe. |
| Mouth: Yogi’s letter says he has a "gut"
feeling about us going to the Med. Tank: You’ve got that half right; Yogi’s got a gut. |
| Weenie: I don’t want to see the Skipper go to the Nimitz, I just want him to go away for awhile. |
| Skipper: all right let’s remember Whip is an exchange
officer. Pooh: Can we exchange him? |
| Karen Allen to Slim Pickins in "Honeysuckle Rose": Now Daddy, I’m 22, all growed up, and haired-over. |
| Mork: There’s only one thing dumber than a Gunner and that’s someone trying to teach him something. |
| Skipper: You mean supply doesn’t have a strut? Chief Williams: Sir, the worse you need it, the less they have it. |
| C.O. Dan, are you qualified to do a check hop? Dapa: Every hop I fly with Slick is a check hop. |
| Spyder inquired of Quack Scherer: Does a rectum feel like a vagina? |
| Dog: What do they wear in the E-2? Mork: They wear the same type parachute you strapped on in the T-28. Dog: Oh Yeah? So what do they wear in an A-3? Mork: Rosaries |
| Pooh: Come on Hoobs, don’t take that crap: Hoobs: I’m not like you, Steve, after I step on my crank, I walk away and let it heal for awhile. |
| Spanky: I wonder if I should have another piece of cake? Gunner: Go ahead Spanky, you’re built like a Vietnamese; you can afford another piece. |
| Dog and Tank on a max conserve cap hops This is just like an alert 5 except all the gages move. |
| Pooh discussing painting with oils: Yea, I painted a nude
once. Mouth: How long did it take to paint the crank on? |
| Home movie showing Whip’s wife making Kallua and coffee.
Whip: That’s an Air Force pilot’s breakfast. It makes me look young. Ras: So Fred, how long have you been skipping breakfast? |
| After the X.O. got hosed (by BUPERS) Mouth: XO, we’ll be good to you next year; we’ll have XO girls only every other film. |
| Mork: You know it’s Friday - they set material condition "wax" throughout the ship. |
| Bear and Whip discussing the need for COMPEXing: Bear: Who gives a heck about compexing anyway. It won’t help us win the "E". They won’t give the E to a squadron with no airplanes; what would they paint it on? |
| Hennie to Rob Sidner: Don’t take things so personal Rob. It’s not that people are yelling at you. It’s just that they realize how hard of hearing you are. |
| CO at DHM: XO I want you to be in agreement on all the transfers because you are the one who will have to eat it. If anything goes wrong, before you eat the sandwich at least you should see what’s in it. |
| Quote from letter to Whip from his G’pa referring to pic of CO in family grams "the Skipper is a fine look’en kid." |